THE MEAT CHRONICLES

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By Javier Clarkson | CanAmericaNews.com | May 8th 2025

In the grand pantheon of things that bring joy to a man's heart, somewhere between a V12 Ferrari and watching your neighbor's eco-friendly car get towed, sits a perfectly cooked steak. But not all steaks, dear reader, are created equal. Some are magnificent. Others are, quite frankly, as disappointing as finding out your new sports car has a cupholder designed for a thimble.

Today, we're examining the automotive equivalent of comparing a hand-built Aston Martin to a mass-produced Ford. Both will get you from A to B, but only one will make you weep with joy along the way.

WAGYU: GOD'S APOLOGY FOR VEGANS

Let's be absolutely clear. Japanese Wagyu isn't just beef. It's what happens when cattle are treated better than most Hollywood celebrities. These cows live a life of such pampered luxury that if they had opposable thumbs, they'd be writing smug Instagram posts about their daily massages and craft beer diets.

The Japanese have turned raising cattle into an art form so meticulous it makes Swiss watchmaking look like a child playing with Lego. These animals have bloodlines documented more thoroughly than the Royal Family, and farmers who treat them with the reverence usually reserved for visiting dignitaries or people who can parallel park correctly on the first attempt.

The result? Meat with so much marbling it looks like the Sistine Chapel ceiling of protein. When cooked, this fat melts with all the drama and satisfaction of watching an expensive German car overtake a Prius. The flavor is so complex and buttery that it makes ordinary steak taste like something you'd feed to a prisoner who's been particularly difficult.

And the price? ASTRONOMICAL. We're talking up to $300 per pound for the finest cuts. That's right – for the cost of a single A5 Wagyu ribeye, you could buy a decent lawnmower or approximately 47 fast-food burgers. Is it worth it? About as much as asking whether a Bugatti Chiron is worth more than a Dacia Sandero. The answer is so obvious it hardly needs saying.

ANGUS: THE DEPENDABLE LABRADOR OF BEEF

Angus beef, meanwhile, is the sensible, reliable choice. It's what happens when cattle are raised with the agricultural equivalent of "good enough" parenting. Not negligent, mind you – just not involving daily seaweed wraps and Mozart concertos.

These sturdy, efficient beasts roam North American pastures like midsize SUVs – practical, durable, and completely devoid of unnecessary frills. They grow quickly, convert feed efficiently, and have the good manners to provide consistent, respectable meat at a price that doesn't require remortgaging your house.

The marbling in an Angus steak is like the horsepower in a decent family saloon – sufficient for most purposes, reliably delivered, but unlikely to make anyone gasp in astonishment. The flavor is robust and straightforward, like a firm handshake from a man who owns power tools and knows how to use them.

At $2-15 per pound for premium cuts, Angus is the sensible choice for people who want something better than the mystery meat at the supermarket but don't want to explain to their spouse why they've just spent the equivalent of a weekend break in Paris on four steaks.

THE COLD, HARD FIGURES

For those of you who, unlike television producers, appreciate actual facts, here's what separates these bovine contenders:

THE VERDICT

If Wagyu and Angus were cars, Wagyu would be a handcrafted Italian supercar – exotic, impractical for daily use, and requiring a second mortgage – while Angus would be a top-spec German sedan: impressive enough to earn neighborhood respect without suggesting a midlife crisis.

Is Wagyu better than Angus? In pure sensory terms, yes, with the same certainty that a helicopter is a more exciting way to commute than the bus. Is it worth the stratospheric price difference? That depends entirely on whether you're the sort of person who thinks life is too short to drink cheap whisky.

Personally, I believe everyone should experience proper Japanese A5 Wagyu at least once in their lives, much like driving a truly fast car or watching someone who insists on using the self-checkout line with 47 items gradually descend into madness.

For Tuesday dinner when your in-laws are visiting? Angus will do perfectly well. They won't know the difference anyway, and quite frankly, they don't deserve better.

And that's the simple truth of it.

James Clarkson is CanAmericaNews.com's food and motoring correspondent. His opinions are his own, enormously correct, and delivered at maximum volume.

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