Stars, Stripes, and Budget Cuts: Trump’s Second Term Declares Independence from Bureaucracy (and Blue Food Dye)

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Happy Birthday, America! On this glorious Fourth of July, while you fire up the grill, light some fireworks, and try to remember which founding father invented the hot dog, it’s time to salute the real revolution of 2025: President Trump’s second term. Forget tea in Boston Harbor—this year, it’s bureaucrats overboard, cereal dyes dumped, and a “Big Beautiful Bill” that’s got more cuts than a barbershop on Memorial Day. Now a sponsor for good old American capitalism:

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DOGE: Declaring Independence from Red Tape

What’s more American than freedom from government overreach? How about the Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE), Trump’s answer to “too much government, not enough memes.” Since January, DOGE has axed $180 billion in spending—enough to buy every American a hot dog, a flag, and maybe even a commemorative coin featuring Trump riding an eagle.

With over 50,000 federal workers sent home to “pursue new opportunities in the private sector” (aka, the world’s most patriotic early retirement plan), non-defense discretionary spending is at its lowest since 2017. The “Big Beautiful Bill” slashes $163 billion more, because nothing says “land of the free” like a government so lean it could fit in a fireworks crate.

MAHA: Make America Healthy (and Colorless) Again

Robert F. Kennedy Jr., Secretary of Health and Human Services (and honorary founding father of beige), is leading the MAHA movement. His mission? Rid America of those tyrannical food dyes—Red 40, Yellow 5, Blue 1—so our snacks are as pure as the Constitution and as colorless as a Founding Father’s wig.

By 2026, your cereal will be as white as Betsy Ross’s tablecloth, and your kids will learn to love the taste of freedom (and maybe oats). The FDA and dairy industry are on board, and SNAP restrictions are coming for ultra-processed foods. Because nothing says “life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness” like a lunchbox full of naturally occurring beige.

World Peace: Still the American Dream

Trump promised world peace faster than you could say “1776.” Ukraine? Still fighting. But the southern border is “the strongest and safest in USA history” (according to Trump, who, let’s be honest, would put that on Mount Rushmore if he could). The fireworks of diplomacy are still in progress, but at least the paperwork is down 23%.

The Big Beautiful Bill: Freedom Rings, Budgets Shrink

• $163 billion in cuts—education, housing, medical research, all trimmed like a July 4th parade route.

• Homeland security gets a 65% boost—because nothing says “patriotism” like a really, really big fence.

• $2 billion out of the IRS, 40% cuts to NIH and CDC, and USAID folded faster than a Betsy Ross bedsheet.

• DOGE’s total “savings”: $180 billion and counting.

Call to Action

This Independence Day, as you watch the rockets’ red glare, remember: America is leaner, government is meaner, and your cereal is cleaner (and a lot less blue). Want to keep up with the next executive order, the next banned food dye, or the next “beautiful” budget cut?
Subscribe to the CanAmericaNews newsletter today—because in Trump’s America, the only thing moving faster than the budget axe is the news cycle, and the only thing more patriotic than fireworks is staying informed (with a side of satire).

Donald Shapiro: Reporting live from the land of the free, the home of the brave, and the kitchen of the beige. Subscribe now—before DOGE streamlines your inbox, too!