O Canada! $90 Billion Reasons to Celebrate (and Worry): The True North Strong and Fee-Fi-Fo-Funded

Happy Canada Day, folks! It’s July 1st, 2025—Canada’s 158th birthday, and the only day you can wear a red onesie, wave a flag, and eat ketchup chips for breakfast without judgment. From coast to coast to coast, we’re celebrating with fireworks, parades, and, thanks to the federal government, a deficit so big it could have its own float in the parade.

The Great Canadian Spending Spectacular

While you’re enjoying free concerts, pancake breakfasts, and the annual “how many Mounties can fit in a canoe” contest, Ottawa is cooking up a budget that would make even a beaver blush. The Liberals have managed to rack up a $90 billion deficit this year—proving that, yes, you really can have too much of a good thing, especially if that thing is government spending.

• Free Activities! (But Not Free Budgets)
  This year’s Canada Day comes with more free events than ever before—music, games, and the chance to win a $15,000 VIA Rail trip just for saying nice things about Canada on camera. Meanwhile, Ottawa’s idea of a freebie is spending your grandkids’ allowance on defense, infrastructure, and enough new programs to fill a double-double.

• Unity, Identity, and a National Debt That Unites Us All
  Politicians say Canada Day is about unity, identity, and reflecting on our shared history. Apparently, it’s also about sharing the bill—because with a $90 billion deficit, every Canadian, from Nunavut to Newfoundland, is on the hook for a slice of the world’s most polite debt pie.

• Fiscal Fireworks: Watch Your Wallets!
  Sure, the fireworks are free, but the real pyrotechnics are happening in the budget office. The government’s spending is so explosive, the deficit could light up the night sky all on its own. And if you think the only thing going up is the cost of fireworks, wait until you see the interest payments.

Celebrate Like There’s No Tomorrow (Because We’re Paying for It Tomorrow)

Canadians are famous for stretching a long weekend—this year, many are taking Monday off for a four-day bash. Ottawa, meanwhile, is stretching the national credit card like it’s made of moose hide. The only thing longer than the weekend is the list of new spending promises.

• Moving Day in Quebec, Budget Moving Everywhere Else
  In Quebec, July 1st is “Moving Day.” Across the rest of Canada, it’s “Moving the Goalposts Day,” as Ottawa redefines what “fiscal anchor” means—hint: it’s not something that keeps the budget steady, it’s something you throw overboard when the numbers get too big to count.

O Canada, Our Home and Expensive Land

So, as you belt out “O Canada” and wave your flag, take a moment to salute the true north, strong, free, and fee-fi-fo-funded. After all, nothing says “Canadian pride” like a government that celebrates the nation’s birthday by giving itself the gift of a $90 billion deficit.

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Happy Canada Day! May your fireworks be bright, your pancakes fluffy, and your deficit only slightly terrifying. Subscribe now—before they start charging for maple leaves!

This satirical news article is brought to you by CanAmericaNews, where we celebrate Canadian politics with as much humor as the government spends money.