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Folks, only I could make a deal this tremendous — the United States and the European Union just signed the biggest trade deal in history. They slapped a 15 percent tariff on European goods coming into America. Not zero, not a scary 30% like we almost had — a perfect, beautiful 15%. Like the Goldilocks zone of tariffs: not too hot, not too cold, just right!
Why is this deal yuuuge? Because Europe is locking down $750 billion worth of American energy — we’re talking liquefied natural gas, oil, and nuclear power to kick those Russian energy strings right off. Windmills? Not in this deal, but watch this space — America wins on all fronts!
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And wait for it — the EU is pouring $600 billion into US investments and saying “yes please” to American military gear — hundreds of billions in weapons and defense hardware. Big spender! No one sells military hardware better than America. Everyone’s getting a salute, believe me.
Now, Europeans probably dreamt of zero tariffs, but hey, 15% beats the disastrous 30% hammer hanging over their heads. It’s a win-win-win — well, mostly a win for America, but let’s be classy! European Commission President Ursula von der Leyen calls it a “huge deal” after “tough negotiations.” Translation: Trump tough, Trump smart. No more tariffs flying back and forth like political tweets!
So, Americans, buckle up — Europe’s buying lots, tariffs are medium rare, and peace prevails on the trade front. That’s some Trump-level deal-making for history books. Everyone’s happy, everybody’s winning. Even Donald Trump is proud — and I mean proud!
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